national shortage

Now that American Idol is over for the time being (let’s all hold hands and hope ‘the time being’ is ‘forever’) Paula Abdul is in the news for doing something useful for once. She is lobbying the Senate of the People’s Republic of California for Salon Hygiene. Read about it here . I find it amusing that celebrities want us to take them seriously after having a career like hers. If I had the ear of the Senate of the People's Republic of California for an hour we would talk about something more important, like pushing Fox Studies into the ocean before the weight of all their BS caused the entire state to become a part of the Pacific Ocean.

I saw that news story first when I looked at CNN, and then they had an article about Tom Cruise. I decided today that I would like to be a celebrity because it must be fantastic to live your life unaware that you are completely ridiculous, having the Republic pay attention to your half baked ideas and to have no shame. I could lobby the Senate for better service from Mc Donald’s drive-thrus, and I could jump on Oprah’s couch. I have no shortage of half-baked ideas either. I just have a shortage of national attention.

I appreciate it when people use my full first name, it is a long one, and it is, apparently, what my parents wanted me to be called. I do not really like being called Chris and I never introduce myself that way. However, people just clip off the last letters of my name and call me whatever they want. Should I start calling people what I want to? Should I assign nicknames? When people call me, “Chris,” I feel that it is not as rude for me to respond, “Sorry, but we are not that familiar.” I will start to call these people, “nugget,” with it's own meaning. Peter says I should appeal to my Hebrew heritage and say, “Stop circumcising my name!” I am not sure that is the best way to handle the problem but you can never take away Peter’s creativity.

I am writing a memoir piece for Teaching Writing K-12 about the time Peter fell through the ice on a frozen lake when were on a camping trip when we were thirteen. The truncated (he would prefer it if I said, ‘circumcised’) version is: a kid who picks on me stole my had and threw it out on the lake, Peter ran out to get it, fell through the ice, he hit his head on the way down, I jumped in to pull him out but we ended up getting in huge trouble and very sick from the experience. I even had the ‘opportunity’ to perform CPR on Peter, who threw up in my mouth. I never told my parents, I did not even tell my sister and if she tells my parents. This is not something I like to relive, especially since it has left me unable to write anything else.

Because of the way things happened and needed to be dealt with, Peter asked me not to write about it when it happened (fourteen years ago) and said that I should write about it this weekend.

To relive it I have to remind myself how scared I was that day and how much I care about this friend. I would prefer not to be such a goober and reliving Middle School, when you are the biggest gooey goober you will ever be. The worst part of this it revives Peter’s goober side too and I can hardly stand Peter as it is, he is worse when he gets his goober on. Yeah, Sarah, I ended a sentence with a preposition.

I am also not planning on posting the story, which Peter has titled, "Where I'll Follow, You'll Go." The language in the dialog is course and in parts homophobic. I am not homophobic, but I was thirteen once and the story is about Peter and I when we were thirteen. I would not want someone to read it and misunderstand it. It is also nearly twenty type-written pages and the worst, most painful part of going to all that effort and emotional torment - when I normally do not emote - I would have for someone to not read or to read it and end up bored.

Comments

[Peter]

Aw, cheer up, Emo kid

[Fi]

I always feel that you should address a person the way they introduce themselves. (It's a pretty un-Australian concept because we are prone to abbreviate just about everything.) I always introduced myself with my full name but, after years of constantly hearing the abbreviated version, I eventually caved. I can see how it would irk you, particularly as Christopher is such a nice name, but it is difficult to stop the trend without sounding either anal or rude. A tricky dilemma. Let me know if you find a solution and maybe I can reclaim the ona onto my name.

[Sally]

How about if we just shorten it to "hero", cuz that sounds rather appropos as well? (And a big Huzzah to Peter for going after your hat.) Dang. Now you've gone and made me all mushy.

[Christopher]

I don't feel like one, that's why I don't write about it.

[Alex Vance]

You know what's weird? The etymology of "Christopher" is, essentially, "he who carries Christ across the water," while "Peter" means "stone or rock," as in "sink like a __".
...I'm just saying.

[meredith]

"where i'll follow, you'll go" --- hmmmm. sounds like a howie lyric to me...

[Suburban Island]

You are so right about the arrogance of some celebrities. I guess if you can act in a movie then you can tell everyone else what to think about anything you decide to pontificate about whether or not you have any really knowledge on the subject or not.