bells will be ringing

Question: Can I wear the suit I wore to my Grandmother’s funeral to her husband’s wedding?
What I learned: “There is nothing sexier than a man in a classic blue suit.” – Jessica Grams

Next Saturday my Grandfather will be remarried and this has led to a flurry of questions, controversies, and discussions. Can I wear the same to the wedding as I did to the funeral? What do we call her? What does Great Grandma think about this? I was going to raise these questions with the Ms. Manners of the Blogosphere, L’ Empress, but then I might run into a situation where I would not be able to do what I wanted to do anyway because she had directed me to the Path of Ought.

Can I wear the same suit to the wedding as I did the to the funeral? First, I look damn good in that suit. It is one of those suits that proves spending a great deal of money on clothes has its times when it is worth the expense. This suit would make anyone look good, I might lend it to Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. He used to make one million dollars a year – although you would never know that by the way he dresses.

Also, out of the men in my family who bothered themselves to be at the funeral only five wore suits so I am sure that the same yahoos will be wearing polo shirts oversized short-sleeved oxfords with ‘cool’ designs on them – un-tucked! These men dress better to golf than they do to bury their mother. They dressed as if we were really going the hole ourselves, and then dump her in it.

What do we call her? My inclination is to call her “Grandma,” on the sole basis that it would be controversial. I am all chutzpah, all the time. This would grieve my mother as I refuse to talk to her mother (I resist calling her ‘grandmother’ since there is nothing ‘grand’ or ‘motherly’ about her) so I will only call her ‘grandma’ if I am asked to but I am not sure what to use the mean time.

What does Great Grandma think? She’s fine with it and her temperament sets the tone for the rest of us. She never liked my Grandfather and will glad when he marries someone else because then he can be their problem, not hers. She is not his mother so I am not sure why he bothers her all the time. If she is being polite about it, we will be polite about it.

Comments

[purple chai]

Wear the suit. Not everybody even has two suits to pick from; they wear it to weddings and funerals and wherever else they need to go. Ask her what she wants to be called. It's the least likely to really upset someone you care about.

[l-empress]

Look at that: you didn't need me. The Purple Chai knows the answers. The two questions you ask are (1) what makes you comfortable? and (2) what makes them comfortable? I'm sure neither your grandfather nor his intended care what you're wearing as long as you're respecfully covered. (NOT jeans and a T!) If you would rather not ask the lady point blank, you could say "do you mind if I call you [her first name, a nickname, whatever]?"

[golfwidow]

Thank goodness the Mom and Purple were here, 'cos I would have told you to call her Mrs. Grandpa, or, possibly, Bubbe.

[Yvonne]

Mrs. Grandpa is good! Wear the suit and have photos taken so your internet girls can score your sexiness!

[Alex Vance]

"Alternagranny"?

[Margaret]

The suit is fine, but your family is very confusing, Christopher. I'm not sure I understand all the relationships or lack thereof.

[Sommer]

Ooo ooo oo I love her! She does some of the voices of Family Guy Alex Borstien <3 Oh and um no I think it would be inappropriate unless no one noticed you in the suit at the funeral.... why did you wear blue to a funeral ? :o/

[cosmic]

I was beaten to the punch by Chai too. Wear the suit. Ask what she wants to be called. As long as you stay away from calling her "Grandma #2" I think you'll be safe. Her first name would be proper too.

[Rachel]

While I can offer no constructive advice on this situation, I will say this: Ms. Swan for the win.

[mary]

I think you should wear the suit. A funeral is a celebration of life and this should be the same. ;-)

[Kellbelle]

Wear the suit. You can call her whatever she would like you to call her. Carl's Grandfather remarried and we call him Papa and her Bev. She's not out to "replace" your grandmother, so she might not like being called that. Just ask her what she prefers.

[Suburban Island]

Your great-grandma has it right. Smart woman.