Dukes of Hazard

The reviews are in: The Dukes of Hazard is a terrible movie. The stock complaints about the movie are that it is sexual, crude, and makes the southern United States look bad. Starting with such genius as the original television series, I have a hard time believing that we ended up with something like this. I refuse to see it!

I cannot understand how a movie staring Jessica Simpson, Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, and Willie Nelson could go so terribly wrong. When I think of “intelligent cinema,” Jessica Simpson, Seann William Scoot and Johnny Knoxville pop right into my mind and if you were to ask for just intelligent, Jessica Simpson is the first woman I think of, who else would dare to ask the great questions of the day, “is it chicken or is it tuna?” I mean, when she is the smartest person in the room that is saying something – usually monosyllabic.

Then, someone in Congress, who was on the original show, complained that the movie was crude and sexual. Apparently, the original show was not crude or sexual. Daisy was so prudish and dour it made Pat Nixon and Roslyn Carter look like Playboy Bunnies – but Jessica Simpson has made it dirty. I keep forgetting that the original show was apparently about some decent Mennonites in Indiana who were misunderstood for their religious beliefs instead of law breaking rednecks in Alabama – as is generally assumed.

In case you're wondering, that Congressman is from Iowa - the do not have a lot of people so sometimes a moron is put in charge of something important or sent to Congress just so he leaves everyone alone while he's out of state.

The movies also is purported to make the South look bad. That is really unfortunate because it is so easy to do. My parents live in the south, in America’s sixteenth largest city, and there are thousands of people within the city’s limits who do not have indoor plumbing and when you visit my parents they take you on a driving tour of the town to show you where the people go pick up their water, right next to where they take their kids for juvenile delinquency parole meetings and to pick up their welfare checks, after that, they take you to the jurisdictions that voted for Kerry/Edwards and were subsequently smote by God who promptly flooded them. If you want to make a movie and impress people, make a movie that makes the south look good instead of dirty, poor, with poor weather, and ignorantly populated. I was born there; I have lived there. It is as bad as it sounds and sometimes worse.

Say what you want about the water in the Northeast, at least it comes into our house.

And then, with the exception of Helderheid, who takes Willie Nelson seriously? I mean, she led the campaign for Kucinich in Utah – a politician so popular he is not included in the spell check of my up-to-date word processing program. I refuse to take direction from a man (Willie Nelson) who does not pay his taxes or stay sober enough to notice that George W. Bush is dancing on his stage at one of his concerts. That’s why he really does not like the president – he is one of the few people who can hold his liquor better than Willie.

My suggestion? You already wasted money on Episode II – Attack of Clones and Joe Dirt. Stay home and send your money to the corrupt governments of countries affected by the tsunami.

Comments

[golfwidow]

I just emailed you the Muppet movie review, which is done by the two old guys in the balcony (Statler and Waldorf) but contains a really funny cameo this week of the Swedish Chef with his Daisy Duke recipe.

[Dawn]

Did you watch the show itself? I liked it personally. I'm not so sure about the move. I think bimbo bubbles will ruin it for me.

[Alex Vance]

If it's as bad as you say, I'm going to have to paint over the Confederate flag on the hood of my VW.

[Margaret]

I have never been to the South unless you count Florida. I used to watch the Dukes of Hazard on TV, but have no interest in seeing the movie.

[Yvonne]

Your comment: Puppies may be delicious, but babies are better! :)