Hurricane Katrina - Political Reaction

(Reuters, Washington DC 1:12 AM EST)
In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, politicians and partisans are lining up in the capital of the Republic to point fingers.

George W. Bush is scrambling to find where he can gain some political points from this nice distraction from Cindy Sheehan, the quagmire War in Iraq, and romantic overtures from Senator Chuck Hagel (R-NE). Surprised to find himself not in Crawford but at his place of employment he took the opportunity to use the microphone someone had left out on accident to address the press corps:

“I want the American people to know that we will find this Katrina, we will hunt her down and bring her to justice for this natural disaster, the largest our country has seen since the Kerry/Edwards Campaign or New Coke. New Orleans will take years to rebuild, giving me ample time to downplay people’s ideas to later claim them as my own.

I want the American people to know that this is the fault of the Democratic Party. Had Thomas Jefferson not bought Louisiana from Napoleon, we would not be in this ridiculous situation of having millions of people living on a flood plane. Only a Democrat would buy a city full of prostitutes, drunks, and Frenchmen.

To the people of New Orleans, I will divert millions of dollars that would have been spent teaching you to read maps so you would know that you were on a flood plane or that your mayor should have used to fix the levy to rebuilding your city. Jenna will be there to get hammered as soon as the bars open, Barbara too – she still hasn’t found a job!”

Michael Moore, (literally, figuratively, and simultaniously) the single largest contributor to global warming and threat to liberalism is searching for a way to claim that the Bush family is responsible for the disaster. Those of us who have completed college cannot understand the logic how someone is at once an evil genius and functionally retarded (leftists: pick one and stick with it). Apparently, dropping out a state college in Michigan is much harder than graduating from Yale and Harvard with better grades then the past three men to top the Democratic Presidential Ticket.

Moore was too busy for comment; it is apparently nearly impossible to find someone to lend a fully stocked ice cream truck to a slothful, overweight, faux-intellectual filmmaker TWICE. Really, why does that crackpot get a movie camera while I am relegated to the Blogosphere? I could make movies! Give me a camera, apparently, you don’t need to tell the truth in a documentary – you just need to hate someone a whole lot. What does Michael Moore have that I do not? One hundred pounds of lard, bad hair and a terrible wardrobe.

At time of press Senator Bill Frist (MD!) was seen with Karl Rove digging up the body of Thomas Jefferson so that he can take the heat for this disaster, Al Franken was still packing that extra chromosome and spewing half-truths while Ann Coulture was praying that Jesus would turn all that water in New Orleans into wine.

Comments

[Alex Vance]

That's just how I feel. But you said it better than I could.

[Rachel]

Indeed. Well said.

[emo]

pssst! christopher...i have news. i didn't want you to get all mad at me for not saying anything like that other time, so i thought i should tell you that grant has been writing updates again. don't hit me for not saying anything sooner!

[Suburban Island]

Political satire at it's best.

[Pelosi]

There's truth in jest.