Fergie wanna Cracker?

Today was the first day of school; it was a success. No one went running from the building jumping for joy because he or she is a student in my class but I am the only one without any criers. I have eight students this year, and not one of them is ugly. I like to be the ugliest and smartest, person in a room. If you are any uglier than I am I cannot stand to look at you and I do not think anyone else would be too much into it either.

This weekend was spent in Boston, Massachusetts – a place I do not highly recommend visiting – with friends from college and this week has been spent (so far) getting ready for school which started today. I never feel ready for school to start. This year was a little more difficult because my house is a wreck and I am tired, cranky and worn out physically from a weekend of walking around Boston.

I am a New Yorker, and my friend from Denver steadfastly refused to understand this: the difference between New York and Boston – to someone from either of those places – is largely an issue of Nationalism. I alternated my headgear from my Cleveland Indians hat (chosen for it’s blatant offensiveness) when I did not want any crap from the people in Boston or my (yet another new) Yankees hat when I wanted to be in-your-face or was visiting the Plymouth Plantation in Plymouth, Massachusetts where there are faux-natives (aboriginals) for you to view in their erstwhile natural habitat.

Our Weekend in Boston was carried out in three phases: Adams Family, Freedom Trail, and Plymouth Plantation. However, this was all preceded by a night at the Griswold Inn in Essex Connecticut where I made the horrible mistake of asking the nice couple at our table, after they asked us what we did for livings and where we came from, where they came from and what they did for a living. The story of the Conquest of Boston is a story for another time.

I bring out the very best in everyone I encounter, this man was a lawyer for Greenpeace and he let me have it on a number of issues that I will not recount for you here because a crazy is a crazy, but if you want an lunatic just add alcohol. I was shouted down. He had a beef with our generation, but after needling from my illustrious sister, he admitted that when he was our age he did the things that annoyed him about twenty-something adults of today. I allowed her to take the lead on that discussion because she is the liberal, let her moderate her kind.

His wife was very charming; we loved her. She was the highlight of this exchange because she tried to shut her husband up and he said, “SHUT UP, I AM TRYING TO FACILITATE A CONVERSATION” when really he needed a BLOG because he was just ranting and pontificating, then when he left to pay our tab we apologized to the woman for upsetting her husband and causing such ugliness but she said he was, “A fucking judgmental cracker” For the rest of the weekend the exchange between the participants in the conquest of Boston was, “Shut up, I am trying to facilitate a conversation,” to which was responded, “You are such a judgmental cracker.” Elizabeth cannot say the “f” word so we dropped it – or really, she did.

The best part of this couple is that the woman looked like a healthy-weighted, blonde Duchess of York and he looked like Miles from Murphy Brown.

We planned for the weekend that Elizabeth schmooze the angry liberals, I would set them off and then they would pay for our food. I considered that had I known someone would pay our tab that I might have drank alcohol (I was the DD) and more of it and let my sister drive but we quickly realized that had I been ‘lubricated’ I might have offended the liberal on purpose and paid for my own sodas. The plan was amended to include, “Chris will say nothing and imbibe no booze.”

Second verse: how Samuel Adams finally made his cousins interesting, or how alcohol works the same on conservatives as liberals.

Comments

[Suburban Island]

A perfectly brilliant entry on the eats for Greenpeace program - previously a secret known only to only a few savvy travelers.

[Margaret]

But I have always wanted to go to Boston! It sounds crazy, but fun--like all your adventures. Are they interesting while you're living them, or just afterwards when you blog them?