my brother knows a man who met someone who knows Mel Gibson

Mom told me that they did a sonogram and it was a heart attack that started all the other problems. My father is in a hospital in the same city where Tom Cruise went to High School, which leads me to believe that since Tom Cruise has been there and is doing Katie Holmes’ sonograms that Tom Cruise also did my father’s sonogram.

Tom Cruise would not approve of my family. Half of us are on antipsychotic medications and the half that is not, should be. We do not exercise or eat right. Our family has one semiprofessional athlete and he is in shape for all of us. Why would I eat right and get in shape when I can pop a pill and get the same results?

And who is Tom Cruise kidding? He is clearly on something and so is Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is my age and Tom Cruise is my father’s age, Tom Cruise should know all this having performed my father’s sonogram and he should also know that cradle robbing went out with hoped skirts and slavery.

He has a lot of nerve telling us to stop taking our medication, start exercising, and eating right. He is not Oprah. He is not even a doctor. He has no business telling us how to live our lives. I am sure Oprah is furious with him for this and that is how she was able to forgive him jumping on her couch. If he jumped on my couch, we would have boxed: old school, no gloves.

I really have no idea who he thinks he is. A man makes a couple of mediocre movies and we are all supposed to deal with his faux pious cult mumbo gumbo. And, yes, his movies are mediocre when he is acting and anyone could have played those roles, he did not bring any magic to the screen. Adrian Brody, now he has talent. Anyone that ugly that keep an audience’s attention has skill.

The point of this all is that since Tom Cruise performed my father’s sonogram and Tom Cruise knows Oprah I am only separated from God by two degrees (Dad-Tom Cruise-Oprah). I am that much closer now than I ever was before.

And yes, we are relieved and shocked to learn that dad even had a heart. It probably attacked him trying to get back out.

Comments

[emo]

i always thought adrian brody was handsome.

[liz]

I like the line about the relative who is in shape for all of you. great thought! Hope your dad is okay.

[Yvonne]

I hope the heart attack did not do too much damage and they are able to pin point the changes which need to be made. I think the idiot named Tom is about my age, so don't take it the wrong way when I tell you my {hugs} are coming your way!

[Pelosi]

Hope your dad recovers soon. I sent stuff to you the morning after we spoke, so you should have it by tomorrow. Hugs! (P.S. Yeah, Mr. Cruise is a wee bit full of himself.)

[golfwidow]

I think Tom Cruise is bitter because he thought if he gave money to the Scientologists they would make him taller.

[Margaret]

I like the way you think, buddy, and I abhor Tom Cruise. He's a lousy actor, and a lousy excuse for a human being.

[Suburban Island]

Hope you dad is doing okay after all of this. Also, I am glad you are so close to God. Tom Cruise strikes me as a lunatic. I have no idea why this woman is letting herself be remade by him. It's scary.

[Summer Gale]

I'm sorry about your dad and hope he feels better soon. My dad just had a quintuple bypass at 85. It was scary but he's still among us.

[Tiny Elvis]

well, my mom had a friend who's brother was (and probably still is) a gay hair "stylist" in LA and Tom Cruise was known for frequenting gay conventions in the post Risky Business / Top Gun days.

Clearly, the man is dealing with serious short man homosexual repressed tendency syndrome. And why does he have to wear tighty-whitey's in all of his movies?

"Why did you do that? You are a JERK." (tom cruise-after getting sprayed in the face with water by a fake microphone in France).

[Tiny Elvis]

well, my mom had a friend who's brother was (and probably still is) a gay hair "stylist" in LA and Tom Cruise was known for frequenting gay conventions in the post Risky Business / Top Gun days.

Clearly, the man is dealing with serious short man homosexual repressed tendency syndrome. And why does he have to wear tighty-whitey's in all of his movies?

"Why did you do that? You are a JERK." (tom cruise-after getting sprayed in the face with water by a fake microphone in France).

[Terri]

I'm so sorry about your Dad. He should really be more careful about who gives him sonogram's though... ;) I'm also sorry I wasn't around to read about your Dad sooner. I feel like a putz. Thank you SO much for your comments the other day. Do you have any idea how much they meant? Well, double it.

[Alex Vance]

I just noticed that Hillary Clinton will be in Louisville today. Coincidence?

[Sommer]

hahaha, yes OPRAH, should be the only one tellign us how fat we are.

[Audrey]

Remind me not to read your entries in class anymore. I was trying so hard not to laugh (not about your dad!) that I was shaking, grunting, and crying. Now everyone thinks I'm crazy. Thanks. I hope your dad gets better and I'll pray for him.