choking hazard

I am at my parent’s house this Christmas. One nice thing about my parents is that they did not turn my room into some bizarre shrine to me but the bad thing is that the room is decorated using my dead grandmother’s things. It would not be so bad, but if Grandma was anything, she was tacky. I have about fifty Norse gnomes looking at me, from all directions. I suspect that one of them has an erection.

Also, at dinner I had the hiccups so my mother decided that she should scream and scare the hiccups out. It startled me and I choked on my food. True to form, they were all too busy laughing to assist me so I had to perform the Heimlich on myself using the corner of the easy chair, something I learned on accident having a history of comical choking episodes in which people were too busy guffawing to save my life. My friend Jeffery calls me the invisible boy because no one ever remembers or notices me, I even forget about me.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and survives the mass transit strike in the City. I hope I can survive being home.

Comments

[golfwidow]

Get yourself "Mr. Cellophane" from the Chicago Original Cast recording. And remember, the fact that you can save yourself from choking means that you have proven yourself more capable than our Commander-in-Chief, who nearly got killed by a pretzel.

[cosmic]

Merry Christmas to you!!!

[John]

Have a wonderful Christmas, Chris.