it resembled master yoda, not at all

Today I helped my father change a tire. I have never changed a tire; I call Triple A. All I did was hold a flashlight and regretted letting my Triple A lapse. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone who has a car it would be to get Triple A because if you have car trouble I cannot help you.

We were on our way home from spending time with the family here in Kentucky that has adopted or assumed us into their own. One of them just had a baby. The only advance warning on this baby was that it looked like Master Yoda. The baby was bald, but it was neither green nor pointy of ear. It also had five fingers on each hand. It resembled Master Yoda not at all.

However, I am not a baby person. I feel terrible when people hand me their baby – because people want you to hold their baby. I do not want to hold your baby. First, I am clumsy. I have a fear that I am going to drop or harm your baby. People argue that babies are resilient and I should not fear harming them. I will err on the side of caution. You squeezed it out of your body and you can hold it.

Second, and more to the point: I am afraid of germs. Babies expectorate, drool, leak, urinate, defecate, and vomit without prior warning or shame. Babies are biological weapons. I have no interest in touching a baby, I do not care if it has had shots or been recently cleaned. Yes, there are people who are not into babies and I am one of them.

Luckily, my parents who realize that I will never make them a grandparent, wanted to hold the baby and play with it and the baby’s mother was not there so I avoided offending her by passing the baby as soon as it was given to me. I have no idea why, but I am not interested in babies at all. Some people, most people, like to hold them, play with them and want to make their own. I have no desire to do any of those things. I nannied, I know the ‘joys’ of parenting and can forgo them – thanks!

The irony of this outing to visit this adopted family is that they are a group of people who accept me or at least tolerate me when I am around. My relatives do not like me, nor do they tolerate me. I am okay with this because I figured out a while ago and worked it out that they would never take me in as one of their own. I am not the person who is going to jump through hoops to try to get someone to love or like me. I have done that once, with great success, so I know that if you wait a minute that you will fall for me – but I will have that as a token experience.

It was nice to spend time with a healthy, functioning family. I realize that no family is perfect and that this is not really my family. However, knowing what my relatives are like I figure that there is no harm in pretending for a few hours at the holiday that you are a part of one of those families that you see on TV where no one is perfect, but everyone loves each other.

Comments

[l'empress]

After all we've written -- and that's a lot -- have you not yet figured out that a family is built from love, not blood? Friendship is a lovely thing indeed.

[Yvonne]

Oh, L'Empress said it perfectly!

[cosmic]

"You squeezed it out of your body and you can hold it." I love that line!! Not all people were meant to be parents. I am glad at least that you can be honest about it. I feel bad for kids born to parents that feel that way but still have the kids. I'm glad your holiday was a good one. I'm glad also that nobody vomited, drooled or pooped on you. That is always a good thing.

[cosmic]

Just fixinf my URL link. It said diryland, hehe

[Christopher]

L'Empress, long time readers will note that I understand what family is built from but the larger conflict in my life is not my understanding of family but that my mother does not accept my philosophy of family.

[Terri]

I'm glad you weren't at my house for Christmas, because Xander is all about the drool and it's not unlike an alien substance. It's stringy and it sticks to everything. He seems to have and endless supply!

I wanted to thank you for writing about the Star Wars Lego PC game. I told my Mom to buy it for Timmy and it's been one of his favorite Christmas gifts! Plus, I like to play it too. Shhh! Don't tell Timmy!