A Return to the Mother Ship

Today's Special - Spritopias - Half Off

My birthday is next weekend, and that means I need to find my mother and father a present. They view the anniversary of my birth as their anniversary of their parenthood; they also get their parents and grand-parents presents on this occasion because a titled all these people - I was the first out of the gate on both sides of the family. I view this as just another trip around the sun – all I have done is not die for 365 days – but it is important to them so I play along.

Chaos and I trundled on down to IKEA (our mother ship) to find something inexpensive and clever for my parents. At the end of the story the receive bendy straws and a gift certificate to Mc Donald’s – a curious fetish for us off-the-boat people. We did not find anything they would need or want but we did find a few things for ourselves.

The genius of IKEA is selling things no one needs at an incredible price – today’s steal was champagne flutes for twenty-five cents and Astroturf bathmats for ninety-nine cents. The champagne flutes are a ridiculous waste because I do not drink (I am enjoying Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke in one right now) and why you would want an Astroturf bathmat is beyond me (my kids will play marbles on them on rainy days).

I do not shop often, but I have been to IKEA more times than I have been to Wal Mart. While we were checking out the cashier said, “you have to bag your own items,” I asked, a leading question, “how many bags do I use?” She said, “use as many as you need.” She said the same thing about the butcher paper used to wrap the unnecessary champagne flutes in and pointed us to an unattended wrapping station. Chaos said, “I would take the whole package of paper if I could lift it.” When I questioned the amount of butcher paper being used to wrap the quarter champagne flutes she said, “I did not pay a quarter for these to break on the way home.”

Sometimes I feel like I am on a reality television show because Chaos is so ridiculous so often that I just assume that it has a point that I am missing.

I should not make fun of her – I took about forty of their bags because it is against my morals to buy trash bags or can liners. You are literally throwing money away. I try to keep my garbage in the plastic sacks you get at the grocery – and I feel cheated when they do not double bag my purchases.

I really do not feel as if I stole because the woman clearly invited me to take as many as I needed. I am sure I needed more – but I did not want to seem like a glutton.

Comments

[purple chai]

I always take a few extra bags at IKEA. Then I go home and tell my husband "I got you a present at IKEA!" because he is all about using the best store bags for the trash, and their bags are the best.

[l'empress]

Be careful; you'll turn into someone like my husband. See http://l-empress.liscious.net/older/005345.html

[Margaret]

I always use grocery store bags to line my small garbage cans. They are becoming very poor quality. I may actually have to BUY liners--ugh!

[liz]

I started wishing my mom happy birthday on my birthday after I had my son...at that moment I realized that my birth wasn't about me when it happened. I was much more about my mom and dad becoming parents. What did I know? I probably couldn't see 5 feet in front of my face and had my days and nights mixed up. But my parents...that was a big moment for them. It took having my own child to see that.

[Kellbelle]

We have a new IKEA not too far from the house and we've been there a million times to just look around. I love going there! It never ceases to amaze me all the cool stuff they have.

[Terri]

I've never been to an IKEA. Wonderful stores like that don't brave the cold weather well I guess. *snark*

Could you look any cuter in your Yankee's hat? :)