At my part-time job we are well are of the possibility that someday, someone is could be assaulted by one of the customers. Someone is going to say the wrong person on a bad day and it is going to be all over.
Yesterday was my day. My friend brought in her six-year-old and he was showing me his karate moves that his cousin showed him. It took me one minute to realize that he was not playing and around and two minutes for me to be on the floor being kicked to death. It was horrific. How he did it was he kicked me in the shins and then punched me in the stomach, when I doubled over he pushed me on the ground and started kicking.
When I got up he started again, this time I thought I was wise to him so when he came at me I got both of his little hands in my left hand and flipped him up over me head using the right. I have him under control, right? Wrong, he kicked me in the face. I had to let him down, but the next I got both arms in one hand and the other hand had his feet.
This whole time, he is giggling as if this is a game, a joke! This is mortal combat. Someone is going to die and more than likely I would be the one crossing over. My boss told me to go back to work before I put him in the ice cream machine.
This underlined for me why I would be an excellent uncle and why I can be a good teacher, but I can never be the parent. Kids are fun to teach, they are fun to rough house with but I do not want to be the person – nor could I be the person – who says “brush your teeth” or “do your homework.”
When he was leaving the store with his mother, I wished her good luck in getting him to bed. She said she was going to call me if she needed a babysitter. I would do that, but we’d need a referee.
My boss said, “that was nice of you to play with him and act like he was beating you up.” I said, “I wasn’t acting.”
Ah, the first time of being at the physical mercy of a child. Brings back awful, painful memories of my 3 1/2 year old brother and his doberman jaw-like hand gripping abilities. My scalp was never the same.
Posted by: John | Sunday, 26 March 2006 at 05:08 PM
Aubrey wouldn't kick your ass, but Carl might ;) heh
Posted by: Kellbelle | Sunday, 26 March 2006 at 06:03 PM
I'll have a burger with that.
Posted by: Suburban Island | Sunday, 26 March 2006 at 11:05 PM
Yeah, it's fun to be the playmate (not the punching bag!), but not many laughs parenting on a day to day basis.
Posted by: Margaret | Sunday, 26 March 2006 at 11:52 PM
Yeah, it's the people who can't be the parent and still procreate who scare me to death.
Posted by: j | Monday, 27 March 2006 at 01:02 PM
Did he really hurt you or are you kidding?
Posted by: Alex Vance | Tuesday, 04 April 2006 at 12:53 PM