put a cap in it

I have a problem with my classmates in my graduate program. Beyond the classmate I called “retarded,” I have the problem that they are insipid gossips. Paradoxically, I post all of my personal business on the internet but am annoyed when people talk about me behind my back – even about the same topics.

I am gathering with my classmates this summer and Emily and I have found the solution to his problem. We are going re-popularize duels. I am going to find out who is the source and norm for these rumors, walk up to them, throw a glove on the ground (which is the proverbial “throwing down the gauntlet”) then meet them the next day on the University Quad and shoot them.

Emily and I think this would also clean up Washington. Instead of all the backhanded action going on, if someone was offended the offended parties could have duel. It is not that I think that dueling is civilized, but it is more direct than the current course of action than how they currently behave. I contend that women could have duels as well, but Emily and I agree that there is nothing like a Dynasty-style catfight. I can just see it now, while Bill Frist and Harry Reid are shooting at each other on the capital lawn while Hillary Clinton and Kay Bailey Hutchinson are chucking Ming Dynasty vases at each other before rolling around on the floor ripping out each other’s hair.

It may not work, but neither does the current system. This would certainly be more entertaining and since our government refuses to be useful and efficient, I think it should (at the very least) be interesting and fun to watch.

However, I am worried for my classmates: how fundamentally boring is a person to be talking about me?

Comments

[liz]

Good question. Lord knows I have better things to do than talk about you behind you back ;)

[Fi]

Surely the duels would have to be fought with rapiers. None of this wild west pistol crap. If your honour is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting with class!