in which I end up grounded.

Question: What are you doing on Squaw Peak?
What I learned: Ask mom permission before going out to play.
A Suburban Island plug, is a Suburban Island plug

As a teacher of writing I think that verbs are more interesting that adjectives. Actions, rather than description, tell the story. Hemmingway mastered using verbs as adjectives and I try to emulate everything about Hemmingway, except for syphilis.

In this pursuit of action I find myself sometimes missing the details. For instance, today I went to the grocery and against my better judgment got a Diet Coke in the check out because I was so thirsty twenty ounces costing more than two-liters and not having the hydrating qualities of water made perfect sense but not as much sense as plopping myself into the car, opening up the container and taking a swig of the soy sauce I had purchased to make my dinner.

Friday was one such occasion. I have a goal of hiking the major peaks of Phoenix this summer and was in training to do well this summer when I visited Texas. I know that the hot and arid climate in Arizona is nothing to be toyed with. I left my house with plenty of time to be up and down Piestewa Peak before the time of day when you should be inside enjoying the air conditioning.

If things went as I planned them without incident, drama or fiasco I think I might cease to exist, there would be a general strike, the president would declare a state of emergency and the universe might actually collapse in on itself.

I got turned around on the two-minute drive to the foot on the mountain and arrived much later than I had anticipated arriving, but I was still in good time. I finished off my bottle of water, threw four more into my backpack and headed up the trail to the foot of the mountain.

It was a great hike; I had a great time. Elizabeth Edwards was hilarious on Wait, Wait! Don’t Tell Me! – much funnier than Dennis Kucinich. There weren’t a lot of people on the trail, which is great because I like to take my time and I cherish my time alone. I felt like a hobbit – not just because I am built like a hobbit – on the road to Mordor with the craggy rocks all around me, Orc looking women passing me going in either direction and and the way the mountain had naturally and then supplemented rock formations that created stairs.

The only disappointing thing was when I saw the rattlesnake. This was the first time I have encountered one in Arizona. I did not get a picture because I was too busy fleeing for my life like a hobbit on the road to Mordor and no one took video of me fleeing. I am sure it was fantastic. I bet the snake was plastic. I am sure this is the funniest thing I have ever done and no one witnessed it.

When I ascended the mountain the temperature was ninety-six degrees and when I descended it was one hundred-ten. Despite putting on a cap, sun block, and drinking a small pond dry I was not feeling good as I started down the mountain. While I was coming down Gretchen (my team leader) called me and asked what I was doing and I told her that I was climbing down Squaw Peak and that it was harder to climb down than it was to climb up and was more than willing to prattle on at her about hiking when she needled me on the subject of what I was doing, that I was doing it alone and exactly how much water I had drunk during this process.

Then, because Gretchen is in charge, I was grounded. I am not allowed to go hiking again in the heat and I am certainly not allowed to go alone anymore. I am not sure I needed to be grounded but for good measure I am. I had found a way, despite precaution, to give myself heat exhaustion. I was stupid, so very stupid.

I am not sure I needed to be grounded but for good measure I am. I had found a way, despite precaution, to give myself heat exhaustion. I was stupid, so very stupid. And for a gentile mother, Gretchen is very clever. She did not raise her voice, rant, rave or yell – she had that amazing Jewish Mother quality of crushing your spirit with a quiet, disappointed tone of voice that makes you feel about three inches tall. Rarely have I seen this outside of the Junta of Jewish Mothers. The must teach this at Hadassah meetings and nowhere else.

I could have died there and while people tell me all the time before I do think, “you could have died doing that,” I always tell them that line from my favorite movie “Big Fish,” that, “I’ve seen how I die and that’s not it.” This time it would not have been a lie, this was definitely one of the scenarios where I die.

Wednesday, Gretchen and Ashley (another co-worker, she who is in charge of lunch) will be giving me a couch. This should remedy any desire I have to leave the house since my fortune usually reads, “man on couch moves little.”

Comments

[Yvonne]

Naughty hiker!

You cracked me up about the rattlesnake.

[liz]

Glad you made it back down with some fluids still circulating!

[Suburban Island]

I walk in my suburban neigborhood and avoid heat exhaustion issues. I have never seen a rattlesnake but today a basset hound barked at me.