lies spritopias told me

This week in the History Seminar of Summer School we were talking about the use of Atomic Bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, I repeated the joke told by a Japanese comedian that, “American parents told their children about walking uphill in deep snow barefoot to school. My mother told me when I was a little girl, ‘When I was your age the Americans dropped two atom bombs on us!’” and not only didn’t my students get this joke, natives of Mexico and Arizona tend to lack first hand knowledge of walking in snow shoed of not.

However, this reminded me of a story I read in the Washington Post about a book that is being written about the whoppers dads tell their children while visiting the Smithsonian. They contended that mothers do this as well but probably not as often, I would counter that the cynicism that extreme feminism has fostered toward men has made it possible to paint an entire group of people with one, ugly brush but even if it were true that mothers are fathers lie to their children in equal proportion it does not change the fact that our parents lie to us.

I have a hard time catching my parents in a lie so either they are exceptionally truthful or artful liars. I used to condescend that I would not lie to my children. That like my parents I would endeavor to tell my children the truth but the longer I teach the more I realize that I will indeed lie to my own children because I lie to my students all the time.

The first reason I know that I am going to be a father who lies is that I have a Wikipedia addiction as a result of a lopsided knowledge base. I used to tell the students when I did not know something that they should pull it up on Wikipedia. When I am talking to Stan online and he knows before he is making a reference I am going to miss to include a link to the appropriate wiki. Our librarian has crusaded against Wikipedia successfully with the students so I am in a situation where the students lack faith in the source and demand something more of me. Now because of the librarian’s prejudices when they ask, “who won the Civil War?1 ” or “Who was Theodore Roosevelt?2” I should produce an answer, promptly. I am sure during those special times before my children can read or access to the internet is limited I will be telling them some crazy things.

The second reason I know I am going to be a lying lair that lies is that I enjoy a good yarn. The only thing I love more than a good story is writing a better one so I am sure that when push comes to shove I will espouse something ridiculous. The time that my students asked me who invented the apostrophe comes to mind and the legend of Horatio Ashby who, in ancient England, invent grammar and punctuation to settle a property dispute between two barons. There are other explanations that I have given to the class but none quite as good as the Legend of Horatio Ashby.

The other indicator is advice given to me by my own father on life. The first was to never write anything down I did not want the whole world to read – this well before the Internet – and the second was to never let the truth get in the way of a good story. While I know that all people lie, and that according to Jed liars go to Hell, I am pretty sure that my father is not a liar based on this because he is not the best story teller in the world. I also know that there are certain things my parents did to build up their trustworthy reputations with their children – we didn’t believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny and teaching us to read and research so we could search out the answers to our questions independently. Imagine, if you will, a three-year-old Chaos Bean pouring over an encyclopedia article on human anatomy while I read the dictionary.

However, I would rather be interesting than right. I am sure there are reasonable, everyday explanations for things. I understand the need to fill your child’s expectations. You are their hero. You know everything. You cannot let them down. My poor son, Seamus Spritopias, I can only hope that Sarah is a better parent than I am because if he does not learn to read fast he is going to grow up in a really weird world.

1 “Who won the [American] Civil War” is an alarmingly common question considering the answer is rather obvious since we spend an entire quarter of the school year answering it.

2. Anyone paying attention knows that I have a crush on Theodore Roosevelt, I also teach about him for a solid quarter.

Comments

[Margaret]

White lies are sometimes necessary, but not the big ones because you always get caught on those. I am not a very good liar, so I have tried to (mainly) be truthful.

[liz]

My dad really did tell me those walking to school in the snow stories. And of course he was always barefoot, since you know, it was the depression and who could afford to buy shoes for 9 kids?
But you, Spritopias, a liar? I don't believe it ;)

[Suburban Island]

Librarians have a love/hate relationship with wikipedia.