Scrubbing Bubbles

I was putting something away in my bathroom and decided that instead of decorating my scant counter space with cleaning chemicals I will probably only use before company comes that I should put those chemicals away. As I was doing this I started to write a story in my head about how I do not believe in the magic power of Scrubbing Bubbles but always have a bottle of them because my mother believes in it, so as a talisman of cleanliness they stay.

Then a big, big bee flew past my face. I am not sure that it was a bee but my knowledge of science, zoology and specifically the branch of zoology that deals with flying pests that sting tells me that something yellow and black that flies around with a big butt that looks stinger-ish is (a) dangerous (b) a bee (c) must be dispatched to the next life, post haste whatever it is. I would study this issue further and discover what the creature was, but as I told one of my writing professors today “studying math validates it,” and consequently I cannot validate science in this way.

But I digress.

I had the Scrubbing Bubbles in my hand, and remembering that when I moved to Arizona my mother said to keep oven cleaner around to kill scorpions, I uncapped the Scrubbing Bubbles and took aim at the flying vermin. It seems logical that if aerosol oven cleaner can kill scorpions that Scrubbing Bubbles could kill what I am calling a bee. I am also confident that if I had sprayed the poor thing with its body weight in anything it would have killed it, again I refuse to test this theory not only because of my disdain for science but I also have no desire to round up more of whatever that was.

When I fired the Scrubbing Bubbles, it sounded like Emperor Palpatine using Sith lightning – and I am confident now that this is where George Lucas got the idea, if he had thought one step further to product placement he could have made just that much more money. It took three stout blasts of the Scrubbing Bubbles before it finally collapsed into the tub and I am sure that it would have died but I decided, to be safe, to smote his ruin with a bottle of conditioner and then I washed his carcass down the drain.

I hope there are not anymore of the bees flying around but in case there are I am going to get some more Scrubbing Bubbles, most likely at Costco, in the event his friends come looking for him and want revenge. You can never be too careful with bees. I should also make a note to not question my mother's genius on any issue, specifically, the use of ordinary household objects as weapons of mass destruction.

Comments

[boxx]

When all the BEES are dead and gone....so will our planet be. dead and gone.

[Allanna]

I have used Tilex on ants ... if that makes you feel any better. (It works scarily well.)

I wish you luck in evading any of that bee's family or ... connections.

[Suburban]

Finally, a use for scrubbing bubbles that I can really embrace.