Department of Common Sense

I support government research, even if I am fairly conservative and would generally reject the idea of the government funding for most things. Public-private partnerships can do a great deal for progress, a great example of this being all the cool swag we got from NASA.

I did read research the other day that said, apparently, people who live in neighborhoods without sidewalks tend to be fatter than people who have sidewalks. The research also indicated that people who spend a lot of time in the car tend to be fatter as well. I wonder how much money was spent finding this out. I wonder why anyone needed scientific proof of this. I could have told you this without much research funding.

Going against my better judgment, I propose a new cabinet-level agency for the federal government. I submit we need a Federal Department of Common Sense. Marie doesn’t think I should say ‘shit’ and therefore cannot name it “Federal Department of No Shit, Sherlock.” I guess I said it twice there but I would have to say it a great deal if we named it that, as I would prefer.

This would be the least expensive federal department. I could run this department with minimal staff from Valerie’s classroom but I think that it could be done from a Starbucks with wireless Internet. All that would need to happen to answer the questions that currently exist would be emailed to Valerie’s son. The Federal Department of Common Sense would then convene a staff meeting, at lunch, and listen to what Val’s son told us. We’d give him an answer or Valerie would state, “No shit, Sherlock,” and the world would make sense again.

We are all teachers so we’re obviously thrilled with a low salary and paltry benefits – don’t worry, we know everyone respects and honors teachers – all the government would need to do is pick up the tab on our take-out once a week when we had meetings and everyone would be happy.

Comments

[Fi]

I think this is an excellent idea. Maybe it we had a "no shit" dept or government wouldn't have given a grant for someone to design a surfboard for women.

[Yvonne]

"Federal Department of No Shit, Sherlock," that's great!

[Suburban Island]

I say shit but just not in print. Oh darn, I think I just did that.