potato chips heal all wounds

 

My time at work was sadly uneventful and in an attempt to make it better I decided to get some potato chips from the vending machine.  The worst possible thing happened.  My potato chips were stuck in the machine.  The person who services the machines wouldn’t be back until the work-a-day week and by then it would be too late.

The receptionist came around from the information desk to see what was the matter, and to get a Payday, and started to give me pointers on how to throw myself at the vending machine to dislodge the potato chips.  She seemed to have a special knowledge of it, its not something they taught me at the university and I was glad of her help. 

There was a great deal of trial and error as well; I didn’t just put my shoulder into it to be rewarded with the greasy goodness of faux cheddar on rippled potatoes.  Oh, no…. it is never that easy with me.  First, she directed to run right at the machine and throw my shoulder into it.  I didn’t do it right, or well, or something because the chips didn’t budge.  One of my coworkers tried it as well and we decided this was a poor course of action because the plastic front of the machine could break and we’d be fired for breaking the machine or looting it after breaking it. 

I then started charging at the machine from the side, which was a better idea because running across the show room gave me a lot of momentum once I struck the machine.  My boss didn’t see it this way, but I wanted those potato chips.  This didn’t work so I tried to hip-bump it using the weight of my midsection to dislodge the chips and when that didn’t work I used my butt.  The receptionist announced that as comical as my efforts were they were unproductive.  I made a final charge at the machine using my shoulder and the show room to full effect.  This had to effects: first, I dislodged my arm from the shoulder but I also dislodged the potato chips from the machine. 

Potato Chips, and time, heal all wounds. 

Now, if I had been back at the Ranch with Valerie and the others we would have had no need for the potato chips because we would have either squirreled away Pringles or absconded to Target during our planning period.  Either that or Ashley would have put guilt on us because she is skinny and we need a treadmill.  This stuff doesn't happen down home.  

Today started like any other day, I was annoyed to wake up and find myself alive and living my dreary life.  I suspect that I won’t be a pleasant person to be around until I am teaching and/or my life has meaning again.  It’s very difficult for me to be a shyster and I am steadily failing at it.  Yes, I’ve been black but when I’m back you will ll know Know KNOW.  

Comments

[Kathy]

Your time as a shyster will only give you more material for the great American novel you will someday write. I cannot wait.

[Emily]

Argyle background = excellent choice. Winkler would be proud.