men bearing baguettes

Today I decided to stimulate the economy after a particularly frustrating day at work.  Three people this week had me demonstrate cars to them and help them find a car to meet their needs and budgets so they could buy them from other dealers.  This is frustrating; I apparently have seven children to feed and can’t feed them when I am not making money because my stellar ability help you find the car you want instead of the car you thought you wanted or the car you can love AND afford is lining someone else’s pockets.  This is another reason to go back to teaching: you can’t be taught in my classroom and go learn in another.  I had enough garbage so I decided to visit my friend at her workplace because apparently that’s acceptable and who is going to stop me?

 I was very excited about this proposition because earlier in the day I had talked to Valerie and Valerie is the reason I am fat.  Valerie made me go to McDonalds.  However, I brought Erin some McDonalds as well – we split the two cheeseburgers meal.  I realize that some call it a “Number Two Meal,” but that’s your Momma’s cooking: nothing to brag about there, shameful to the last!  After visiting Erin my plan was to go to the bookstore and use my gift certificate and buy myself a new book since I have almost finished the Count of Monte Cristo. 

 Visiting Erin was nice until it because surreal.  Erin is some sort of medical professional who sits around in a clinic hoping someone has fallen ill and will accost her.  I can only visit as long as she’s not being accosted.  While were discussing something – I never talk about important things unless I am mocking it – someone popped their head in and disappeared.  This troubled me on two fronts – first, it appeared to be someone who is out to kill me along the lines that I am his arch nemesis, when I could care less and second, I thought I was Erin’s dedicated stalker.  I was wrong on both counts.  It wasn’t the person who thinks they’re my arch nemesis (when truly he isn’t even a minor nemesis, just a major pain) and I am not the only one stalking Erin.

 This alternate stalker is someone that I am not happy about because I like to be special, noteworthy and I no longer am if Erin has a cadre of stalkers stalking away.  I’m just another one, and not even the first, best, or skinniest.  I can only hope I’m not the fattest because – you may not be aware of this – I am susceptible to vanity.  I wasn’t sure if I should be confrontational, annoying, bellicose, ridiculous, vulgar, or absurd.  I wasn’t prepared for this rendezvous with disappointment.  However, my fears were assuaged by the fact that his person tap-dances while I dance in circles, is in theater where I am in rhetoric, and Erin would never forsake me as her stalker after all these years.  She did stare at his crotch but he was holding a (broken) baguette in such a way that it appeared to that he was just a mere Viagra away from fame and fortune.  It was as disgusting as it was hard to turn away from – it was like a car wreck.

Indeed, I knew I had nothing to fear.  Nothing!  Who can fear something from a man holding a baguette?  It’s not like he had a ukulele or a sock monkey or a platypus.  If he had a ukulele we’d have been in another discussion!  Oh, then it would have been on like Donkey Kong.  I can pretty much handle a man with a sock monkey but it isn’t pretty; my koala can take anyone’s platypus but Emily really doesn’t like it when Winkler gets into fights with people or platypuses. 

I have bigger fish to fry.  At the Borders I discovered that I was finished with the Count of Monte Cristo because I had inadvertently taken an abridged version of the book!  This is doubly absurd because this is the second time I’ve read the book.  I almost picked up the real version of the book and toyed with learning French so I could read it in the original language as a penance but I decided on another book.  I enjoyed the writing style of Alexandre Dumas so I picked up a copy of The Three Musketeers on the basis that the book has an argyle cover.  Science and Logic: they’re everywhere!  Indeed Dumas is the one who encouraged me, through the story of Monte Cristo, to have no fear of people bearing baguettes. 

 

Comments

[Erin Colligan]

You know you will always be my favorite stalker!!!

[vigrx plus]

good info