dysentery vociferous

I was going to say something else to you, namely about Valerie’s bad habit of butt-dialing but when I walked by Chaos Bean’s room and she was watching something where the Lamb Chop puppet was on.  The puppet was of course speaking for someone and saying deplorable things and I’ve discovered a new way to stop disaffecting everyone I encounter: I need a puppet to speak for me when I need to say something that falls outside the bright line of social acceptability and politeness.  Yes, Mom, I need to say those things. 

 I have a constant case of dysentery vociferous (verbal diarrhea) and say things that polite, socially adept people never would.  I think a cute puppet sidekick would solve or preempt many of the problems I encounter in life because everything that enters my head tumbles right out of my mouth.  Sometimes I can counter this by writing things that I want to say in my moleskin journals – which Enzo keeps me equipped with – but other times I can’t contain it by trapping it on paper.  I think something cute speaking for me would be the solution because whatever that precocious lamb said people laughed at and weren’t offended.  And, I don’t blame the lamb for being factious and not a little nasty, if I spent my day with that woman doing a constant full-cavity search I’d be a bit irritable too. 

I could stop it, if I had will power.  We’re talking about the will power that drives a super model’s dietary habits – but I have that will power.  My will is iron and when I direct it towards a goal I eviscerate everything betwixt my goal and myself.  However, a great danger exists if I have my dysentery vociferous cured: I would cease to be me.  It is why people either love or fear me.  With it,  I would become just another puffy, drab Lutheran in a pew with hundreds of other Lutherans around the Midwest.  I have to be myself because everyone else is taken.  I’m a short, ugly, crabby Joe Biden: very crabby.  People need friends who say what they’re thinking and give their unvarnished opinions. 

Indeed, Emily and I spoke of this quality today in one of our mutual friends.  We know that this friend will say what is in their mind without compunction or circumvention.  We’ll hear what they think and not what we want to hear.  If I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear I’d talk to myself.  I know I’m full of crap and don’t know what I am talking about so I don’t.  Who wants to hear from someone who is loud, arrogant, and often wrong?  A lot of people do, Rush Limbaugh is very popular so I have to be myself (everyone else is taken).  However, unlike our friend, I don’t have cute to cover over my offensive repartee so I need a puppet.  

Comments

[PhilosopherP]

You're probably too late with the puppet... I might have voted for you if you had the puppet make some of those arguments ;).

[iidly]

I love the puppet idea:)