leave the tramp at home

Emily went on vacation without Elizabeth or I, again.  This is putting an incredible strain on our friendship and has caused considerable heartache for Elizabeth and I.  We are very sensitive people.  We’d plan a trip to Cooperstown and Hyde Park and go without Emily but that’s way outside our skill set.  Elizabeth and I are followers.  Emily is a leader.  Emily is a leader who has been vacationing with some tramp; she is cheating on us. 

It wouldn’t be so bad if Emily hadn’t gone to IKEA and the Temple of the Mormons.  I love going to IKEA and I love to point and make remarks in the direction of non-Lutherans.  Emily didn’t even know that the patron saint of IKEA is Vicki or that you should only touch things with tongs if you’re not Swedish.  I have no idea what she is thinking.  I’m also not saying I have something against the Mormons, only other Lutherans.  I still like to go look at non-Lutheran worship space and holy lands to ponder the wrongness of your different-ness.  I know, I know: you should be more PC and accepting!  I like to learn new things, experience the world, and see things that are different than mine.  

I don’t know how Emily had fun without us.  Who can forget the time that Elizabeth and I got drunk at the Samuel Adams Brewery and then proceeded to argue with the tour guide and the Adam’s Historical Home?  I don’t need to be drunk to have fun, but I do need to be drunk to have an excuse.  Also, who can forget all the times that we presented Winkler to someone and insisted that they hold him and pose for a photograph?  That Emily would vacation without Elizabeth and I so flagrantly is odious but it is inexcusable that she’d cast aside her koala as if it were nothing. 

We are taking this class on how to be members of our church and only once has my pastor said, “people who think this are really very stupid,” and I was appalled because he wasn’t talking about the ELCA or even another group of people but about people in our congregation who are wrong-headed about how coffee should be made.  I have learned a lot about being a Lutheran in this class when I expected to just meet people and go to dinner.  I feel bad for the new people in the class because I do not come with a warning label and no one in the class knows me well.  My mentors at University always said that my greatest asset and my worst liability was my honesty.  Oddly enough I felt the need to talk about vacationing with Emily and Elizabeth in class.  I guess normal people go lay on beaches while I am on field trips with the Double E. 

Still, summer beckons and even if I am currently exiled from teaching and thus robbed of my summer holiday I will need to take a token trip to celebrate the ungodly heat and regrettable humidity.  I’m thinking a pilgrimage to Minnesota to visit the land of my father’s ancestors – who are still living – would be nice and we are also thinking of recreating our senior trip by going to King’s Island while also seeing how long Nurse Erin and I can stay around each other and remain sober.  The key to success is a good vacation itinerary, a plan.  Tuesday will determine a great deal about what happens this summer.  Certainly, I’m going to connive a way for Elizabeth to come with me and perhaps we’ll forgive Emily and allow her to tag along. 

But, she’ll have to leave that tramp at home.  

Comments

[Colleen]

Sorry about that...I guess my goodies are just better on the road than yours ;)