zero to one

Good news everybody!  I was in a four-car pile-up!  I am okay and so is my car, besides a small issue of the bumper and my neck hurting but I’ll live.  The other people are fine but their cars are not fine.  Yes, I did give out business cards.  I was the victim; I should get something out of it besides a great story.  I went to see my medical professional today after church, I am still color-blind and neurotic.  My car is the same condition it was before the accident – the Germans know what they’re doing when they design a car.  We’re all very lucky that professional soldiers, and not our auto manufacturers, led our fight in the World Wars. 

I put my Facebook status as, [Legal Name] was just in a four-car pile-up, Volkswagen – 1, Domestic Cars – 0.”  While anyone who knows me knows that if I were to have a serious personal catastrophe I wouldn’t post it as a Facebook status, I apologize to anyone who feared for my health or, more importantly, the integrity of my car. 

This should have been an entry about how Big Macs are the key difference between Chaos Bean and myself.  Apparently, our mother used them as prenatal vitamins when I was germinating in her uterus but not when Chaos Bean was.  Valerie is using this method, against anyone’s better judgment during this pregnancy.  She’s balancing this with Filet of Fish. 

Unfortunately, someone who was most likely intoxicated and definitely stupid couldn’t stop his van in time, running it into an SUV which ran into a mini-van – carrying a newborn baby home – and ultimately into my efficient little sedan.  The offending driver of the out of control van claimed that he couldn’t stop without using our cars as slow-down lane because he had several hundred gallons of water in his vehicle.  I don’t know a great deal about cars but I know a great deal about physics and if my car is loaded down I know it is going to take a while to stop.  I would describe for you the delicious Bullitt County pandemonium but since there were babies and old ladies taken the hospital, can it really be funny?  If it were my grandmother I'd be all attention but this is someone else's life.  

My car is fine though and so am I.  I survived seventh graders, I’m not afraid of an out of control van.  I appreciate your concern. 

Comments

[Colleen]

Glad you are okay! My little Toyota Tercel once smashed up a BMW completely, but the only damage was to my bumper. Incredible. Is the baby okay?

[golfwidow]

I'm glad you're okay, too.

If you ever want white trash surf and turf, take the top bun off a Filet-o-Fish and put the rest of the sandwich under the club layer of a Big Mac. It's too big to eat neatly, but it tastes astonishingly good. Also, it grosses people out when you talk about it.