malicious intent

While I was waiting for my mother during her class at the Apple Store I had a bagel (with smear) and a diet soda at the People’s Republic of Panara Bread.  They have free wireless and I could hang out there until my mother’s class was over.  She’s epileptic and cannot drive this month so I was giving Chaos Bean a day off from her role as Morgan Freeman in, Driving Miss Crazy. 

 I was hoping for, and obviously did not get, some quiet time to work on my writing, play at Club Pogo and stalk people on the Facebook.  Unfortunately there was a loud woman who is the public face of Panara Bread in Oxmoor Mall.  She went around and talked to everyone, loudly – including me despite my strategically placed ear-buds to prevent unwanted human interactions.  It wasn’t her job to go make sure everyone was happy and talked to them, alternately there wasn’t an intellectual impediment to prevent her from realizing the faux pas she was perpetrating on the patrons it was more a social one.

In case you are slow or new to planet Earth here are a few simple rules to follow when interacting with someone who is busy when you approach them:

First, if they have ear-buds or headphones on, they probably want to be left alone.  If they start to sing along, dance in their seat, clap, snap or otherwise participate it’s a good indication that they’re feeling it and not you.  I wasn’t listening to music but I did start to dance along to “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough” and clapped over my head like I was.

 Second, if someone has a book, magazine, or other reading material and the person is in a coffee shop with their breakfast it is for a reason.  It isn’t because they are lonely.  My best friends, the ones that have been with me since I was wee are all found in books.  My beloved heroes and cherished villains are splashed all over the New York Times.  It’s very possible that I am sitting there all by myself with the people I love in the only place I can spend a little quiet time with them.  If I were lonely I would have acknowledged you and accepted your offer of society. 

Third, and this is the most important – I need to remember that it isn’t really rude if there is no malice involved.  I had to really reign myself in and think on the times when I’ve been boorish and people took it as rudeness.  Monday I sold a car to a family headed up by a pair of women, and I don’t have the lexicon to speak to a family with two moms and it isn’t as easy as just talking to them as I would speak to any other family – there are other nuances and dynamics in the language when verbally grappling with the progress of our society.  The one lady kept getting pissed and the other was more understanding.  This is what kept me from really losing my religion on the Panara Poltergeist for making me break it down, Michael style in the booth. 

So remember, next time, that when someone is being boorish that it isn’t rude unless there is malice attached.  We have to start backing off one another and placing responsibility only when someone meant to hurt or annoy us.

 Yes, I probably meant to annoy you.  Most of the time, I do.  

Comments

[golfwidow]

Similarly, I have to remind myself never to make fun of anyone for anything they cannot help. For instance, making fun of a stupid person who ought to know better is fair game; making fun of a genuinely stupid person is not a level playing field.