all the dogs have rabies

I was talking to Colleen on Facebook and she asked if I thought it was too late to get ice cream.   I told her no and waddled to the kitchen to see if we had ice cream and we did not.  This is an enormous shock because if we have anything it’s ice cream (and pickles).  I decided that I should go to McDonald’s and get one of their dollar sundaes. 

Chaos Bean and I piled into the car and went through the drive-through.  I grew up in Germany and have lived in Phoenix, Mexico so I am used to people not understanding me when I speak to them and I am used to not understanding people when they’re talking to me.  It’s preposterous that these people are clambering for English as our official language while simultaneously not being able to speak it.  Even when I lived in Alabama and spoke in a perfect pitch New York accent it wasn’t this ridiculous. 

So, we’re going through the drive-through and we order caramel sundaes and the person went back and forth with us about if we wanted Carmel sundaes.  This isn’t a point of debate whether it is called soda or pop (soda); caramel is a confection produced through the caramelization of sugar while Carmel is a city by the sea in California.  It isn’t like tomato, potato, or aunt – without the second ‘a’ you’re doing it wrong.  This took forever and having worked the drive-through at McDonald’s to drag myself across graduate school I realize that it isn’t easy but neither is it rocket science.  

Concurrently, do not presume to correct my pronunciation or diction in regard to the English language - something that I cherish and love behind Jesus and my family and before the Constitution and Belgian Chocolate.  The proper use and love of English is one of the things I've dedicated my life to and it hurts me when people question my ability to use it, especially when I am pronouncing a word that is actually French!  However, if you want people coming to this country to speak and understand English then I think it’s only fair to require it of the people born here and afforded a free and public education.  

It’s what John Adams wanted for you, it’s his legacy to us. 

When we finally got around to the payment window the person was confused by the five dollar bill I handed him and asked what it was and had to ask someone not wearing a shirt for help making change.  This wasn’t the best part though because it was at the last window that we ran into the real trouble.

It is, apparently, also difficult to make a sundae at McDonald’s.  I will walk you through the process: put the plastic cup under the spout and pull the lever for the ice cream to come out, once the ice cream is at the rim you put it under the caramel or fudge spout and pump twice, apply the appropriate top, supply the customer with spoons and nuts as desired.  Apparently this is very difficult as it took five minutes to do.  

Also, Old Dirty Bastard, when you present the sundaes don’t ask the costumer who has declined the peanuts at the last window, “are you sure you don’t want my nuts?”  He’s lucky that Chaos Bean (a) wanted ice cream (b) didn’t hear him, (c) and was wearing something she doesn’t like to bloody.  I have a ‘friend’ from who would sleep with anyone willing (and has) and even he wouldn’t want your nuts (and he’s renown for low standards – we are, after all, friends).

All in all it was a pretty wretched experience and is a good example of the need to maintain readiness for the Armageddon even in regard to ice cream.  This place is somewhere between the fifth and sixth ring of Hell.  If ordering and getting a sundae from McDonald’s takes this long, what is the world coming to?  With all the drama on the news and in the world today it seems like we should still be able to have an easy go of it at the Big M.  Apparently not.   

Comments

[Chaos Bean]

He left out the body hair on the first guy, which was fabulous. This guy had what looked to me like a dead mink attached his chest. Well actually it was crawling up his chest and out his FULLY buttoned polo shirt. so gross.

[Colleen]

Hilarious!!! So, what you are saying is, "It's Caramel" - correct? One time Cindy and I went through a drive-thru at Taco Bell. I requested Dr. Pepper. The guy said, "We don't have Dr. Pepper. We have Mr. Pibb." "Okay" I replied, "I'll have a Mr. Pibb" Long silence. "We don't have that." Cindy and I peed in our pants.