Why was I late to work this morning?
This morning I woke up terrified that I might have contracted pink eye. I am allergic to the things that grow in our yard and around our house so it isn’t unusual to wake up with pink, puffy eyes that itch horrible making you want to claw your eyes out, but this was different. My eye was in HORRIBLE pain and I was sure that I was finally going blind. This had to be the real deal conjunctivitis, if I could have seen better I’d have called Dr. Erin I would have done it but I have so many Erins in the book who knows who’d I’ve had called?
I went into the bathroom where I could contort my eye and eye lids so I could see what was going on in my eye, because in lieu of going to the doctor I can do some sort of natural medicine or witchcraft myself – and anyone who has been to Middle School as a teacher or a student knows that all witchcraft goes down in the bathroom.
After some rolling my eye around while trying to see what was going on with it I noticed several black spots. I panicked. Black spots on bright pink might do something for Chaos Bean when it comes to tights or purses but inside my eye? I know I’m going blind and that terrifies me but I don’t want to go blind in the freaky-freaky.
I climbed up on the sink so I could get a closer look at my eye – because I was already doing some special, special smart things and saw something truly terrifying. I had a dead bug in my eye. I am not sure what kind of bug it was but I could identify several legs and three main body sections. The Contessa complains about the amount of spiders that she swallows in the night – and I keep telling her that nice girls don’t swallow, but whatever – but I get a bug in my eye? Fat boy is always hungry, he could have crawled into my gullet but no, no he had to burrow in my eye.
It took forever to get the stupid thing out my eye but I’ve become adept at washing my eye out from all the allergy junk out of my eyes. It was difficult because I’d get a part out but the others would wash to another part of the eye. I was late for work today, not because of the American Reinvestment and Reconstruction Act – which is my daily and true excuse and something for which I am truly thankful – nor because of an accident or other human induced sideshow on the side-roads but by one of God’s tiniest creatures.
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