Fits & Starts – Part One
I haven’t done this in weeks, I don’t care what Marie says: it’s nothing like riding a bike.
I keep having ideas of what to write, but not time. I went to Betsy’s wedding, where unlike Valerie, she is commended for not being Bridezilla. She called me today about that, being Bridezilla, because I am the friend who you can alternately count on to have an appalling lack of tact and point it out in others. The only thing you could say about Betsy’s wedding is that she didn’t make you cart off a trinket commemorating the event. Well, I did but that’s because the music teachers always give me a song to sing about it later.
My coworkers insisted that I go the wedding or at least the Last Night Out and molest a bridesmaid. Betsy was at no point Bridezilla toward me but had I done that I would have incurred something reserved for surly adolescents and I was looking to make friends not fill the roll of Dwight Schrute at her wedding – Jeff showed me the wedding episode so I’d prepared. I did however wake up hung-over on the floor of a hotel with the tall, dark handsome type of substitute teacher (named Anthony) and a blow-up doll (named Clark).
Stop exchanging money, it’s not nearly that interesting or insightful but it is something I cherish dearly: a good story. More than that, I love a set of facts I can misconstrue.
In Fits & Starts, Part 2 I will let you in on how not to seduce a man, why we like hunting, and what not to do with a piñata.
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