When you get cancer you are quickly placed into one of two groups. Some people are the good ones that bad things happen to, but if you’re like me you’ll be one of those people who had it coming to them. I won’t pretend that I’m a good person: I’ve had a rigorous Lutheran upbringing I think it’s foolhardy to think that such things exist outside of Divine Providence. We spend all this time justifying our existence and our behavior, “I may pick my nose while I drive, but at least I use turn signals.”
Dear reader, this is the magic of being me: I don’t care what the other humans think and it frees me up considerably to do what I feel like doing and to be who I am want to be. My life is very comfortable this way.
There are truths in life that are unavoidable. You can only count on yourself: family, friends, colleagues will all desert you. Ronald McDonald is always there for you. No matter the time of day or night, unless you live in some rural form of Hell, you can find him or he will find you. This is how we know he is the minion of Satan because who else would be so vigilant? I defy you to answer this question better, and you cannot. While I realize these sentiments aren’t as priceless or as beautiful as an original Alex Vance photoshop I can assure you that they just as genuine.
I say this to you, all of this, because I am joyfully anticipating the premier of Tim Burton’s imagining of Alice in Wonderland, which coincides with the celebration of my not falling off the planet and evading angry mobs for another year outside the womb. I have re-read the book so that I can complain throughout the movie how it isn’t like the book – not a bad thing since the book has no plot. It really was the precursor to Napoleon Dynamite only you don’t vote for queens (despite what Ru Paul and George Lucas tell you) so there is no Pedro.
My quest between then and now is to find where they’ve absconded with Valerie so that I can write more, since without Valerie – who is reading this? That, and to teach again so I have stories to tell or at least a heart that isn't dark, and bitter.
I have a lot of questions and I want to extend my vocabulary further. I want to know if it's actually appropriate to not put periods behind abbreviations like the one for mister and why we've stopped using apostrophes. I want to read French literature and study German. I want to warn people that Derek is a person and not a float for Mardi Gras. I want to climb Machu Picchu (and rename it Machu Pikachu). There is much to be done and less time to do it. We have to find Valerie, we have to find the stories.
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