Elizabeth & Gomorrah

The use of the English language in Kentucky is indelibly charming, there is a casino on the other side of the Ohio in Indiana and we call it, “the gambling boat.”  It conjures an image in my tiny brain of an armada of debauchery – there should be a flotilla of sin separating our great Commonwealth from the open-mindedness of the Blue State Hoosiers.  I have to tighten my Bible belt just thinking of it.  I’m really interested in a drinking boat.  It’s been one of those, “I need a beer and a pack of Math teachers,” weeks. 

We went to gambling boat to see the king of all geek rock bands, Weezer.  I could tire you with the details of the concert, it’d be just like the time I forced the slides of my vacation to Gettysburg on you.  Either you’re into geek rock or you’re not, and just as it bores me to tears when my coworkers dispute over the virtues of east coast rap over west coast rap or the efficacy of Garth Brook’s lyrical styling, I won’t profess my love for the music that speaks to me or the communal experience with other nerds.

 It was Amanda’s first rock concert (and her first time at the gambling boat and her first contact high) and she got sick and had an awful time.  I think that goodness within her struggled against the influences around her.  We had to leave the other Christopher and DeAndria in Kentucky against this eventuality.  We shouldn’t have brought her to her first rock concert in Gomorrah. 

There are many things that you wish someone had gotten a picture of, I think the look that Erin and I exchanged when we realized that someone near us had lit up the Buddha around Amanda is one such picture.  It wasn’t when Rivers Cuomo tried to climb the rigging holding his stage together or when he poured a bottle of tequila on his head.  It was definitely that moment.

The other lesson we learned was that if it weren’t for bad luck, Chaos Bean would have no luck.  We need to start ordering on one ticket and paying as a group so we don’t pay at all.  I’m not sure that I have a strong concept of shame but I do know that I other people’s conflicts make me exceedingly uncomfortable and I’m not always okay with Chaos Bean getting her money back for the poorly prepared food or inadequate service that follows her wherever she goes.  Chaos Bean doesn’t pay, she makes other people though.  She isn’t running a scam, but if there is going to be a hair in someone’s food or a “water bug” swimming in their martini it will be Chaos Bean. 

 She doesn’t go in like a banshee, destroying things around her and opening the sky to rain fire and brimstone around those who do her wrong.  Instead, in the time it will take me to write this paragraph, she gives whomever is in charge the opportunity to make things right.  Most people don’t take it and woe to you who squanders the opportunity to merely say, “I’m sorry,” and ends up comp-ing her food, drinks, and whatever else ever.  My friends who aren’t used to this response to, “how was everything tonight,” are also not used to life in metropolitan areas and find it amusing (as well as lucrative).  We rarely think to be put ourselves on one ticket but it would behoove us to do that. 

I think it’s because Chaos Bean is diminutive in stature that people think they can get away with trying to roll her over and give her bad service.  She may be half an inch shorter than Emperor Napoleon I, but you’re not likely to displease her and get away with it either.  I paid for her to have about three dollars of food when we stopped to re-hydrate Amanda and she got all of it back for me. 

I didn’t get a harem of Math teachers (or a beer) but the trip over the river, through the woods and to the gambling boat turned into something awfully familiar and relaxing.  I know Amanda will read this and disagree that standing on blacktop – well dancing awkwardly on blacktop – listening to geek rock in the humidity and heat while people around you were bumping into you and engaging in all kinds of behaviors is not relaxing but it was the best time I’ve had in a long time and one of the best concerts I’ve seen.  My job is eating my soul and soon my season of rebellion must end but this was a nice respite from trials of robbing the poor to feed the rich.  

Comments

[Alex Vance]

Do gambling boats even allow math teachers? They might think up a winning system.