Question: Which is more pathetic: I was (a) searching for Rainbow Connection on iTunes (b) or that I was angry that they did not have it sung by Kermit the Frog?
What I learned: not a whole lot
Yesterday was not a good day. My overhead projector screen fell, nay, jumped off the wall and nearly cracked me in the head. I put my arm up to protect my head, blocking the heavy screen casing from concussing my head – which was stupid because I could have broken my arm. I use my arms, it is not as if I am using or need my head. Then, at my part time job, Aurora dropped greasy hamburger meat on the floor – which I slipped in, falling in one of those spectacular up then down falls where you land flat on your back. My head was spared the bounce on the floor - which would have garnered me a perfect ten for the feat – but the rest of me was filthy and sore.
The rest of the night I had to hear from the “handicapped” adult who cleans the store how I made a huge mess. I had not made the mess; I had only brought it to everyone’s attention by falling on and in it. As a special education teacher, I know that his problem does not prevent him for working, being productive and can be completely controlled by medication. He relies on people thinking he is incapable of operating at high levels and then them allowing him to be an ass.
This guy is a ticket: he talks to himself all night and interrupts that only to sing to himself. Unfortunately, since most of the people we work with do not speak English, much time is spent trying to explain to them that what he was saying was neither intelligible nor directed at them or conversely that ignoring him at the juncture was wrong because he was actually addressing them. This is usually only when an employee is new because when I say that he ‘talks to himself,’ I really mean that he, ‘spews obscenities and vulgarity all night’ and this understandably leads to misunderstandings and threats of violence.
His singing is what kills me – and what gets me in trouble – because I make requests for songs or sing with him. When we sing together, it is like a Gilbert Gottfried/William Hung duet. It is horrible. Last night he was singing, “Tiny Dancer” and “Piano Man” after singing with him on the Billy Joel cover, I asked him if he could sing, “Rainbow Connection” for me. He said he did not sing ‘lame’ songs sung by frogs, but apparently has no problem covering Elton John.
When I got home from work, I decided it was important to find this song on iTunes and teach it to my class because I felt they were missing out if they did not know the words then they were going to be unprepared for the adult world of singing in a cover band/doing janitorial work in a fast food restaurant.
I also instructed my sister that I wanted Rainbow Connection sung at my funeral by the people at the service. This is because of my many super powers is getting people to do ridiculous and embarrassing things. This comes in handy when you are a teacher and it has made many a road trip in college tolerable. Essentially, I would like her to lead everyone in singing that – with Alex Vance on the banjo – and if she has to, stop the singing to demand, “MORE MUPPET” or “MORE KERMIT, LESS PIGGY!” Then, after the singing is over, tell everyone during her eulogy that it was my last stint at getting them all to make asses of themselves for my amusement.
I will also admit to liking the song, sure, it is geeky – but so is reading and writing blogs, so I don’t know who you are looking at like that.
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