Caustically Optimistic

Magic, It's Everywhere!

This is the Harry Potter Special Edition of the “Dueling Posts” broadcast between Suburban Island and Caustically Optimistic. Both authors discuss the same topic from their divergent points of view to give you a fuller view of the question at hand. If you would like to be a part of July’s Dueling Post drop either author an email or comment and we will include you in the process. First a video, then onto our story

Magic, It’s Everywhere

Like many people half my age I am excited about the impending release of not just Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but the film adaptation of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I realize that I am fifteen years too old to be enjoying these books and while I could mask that with being a teacher and a writer I have to admit that I really do enjoy the story and mythology as much as the elements of fiction contained in the story and analyzing the text. I love gathering with Emily and other friends and hiking into the Forest of Nerds to our spot, past the Lord of the Rings fans but not quite to the Star Trek convention, to discuss the story, characters and our impressions and predictions.

I was first attracted to the books because of the controversy surrounding them. The same people who had been weaned on Bewtiched and The Wizard of Oz were suddenly, rabidly opposed to this book. If I know anything about Adolescent Literature I know that when adults come out against a book in force, it is a good sign that it will be a popular item with children. I know that my goal for my book once published is to offend Tipper Gore, Lynn Cheney and James Dobson simultaneously so that I can be an unparalleled success. What then was in this book that was so terrible that it needed to be taken away from children? That it should be banned, burned and discarded for other books?

I have read them all, some several times. I have found nothing in there that should create the hysteria that these books have. I have found a story that uses magic as a frame to house the story of children growing up and a classic story of good verses evil that is rivaled in adherence to the textbook hero story only by Star Wars. Often as a teacher of reading I am challenged on having the books in my classroom and I answer that challenge – and am willing to remove them from my room if this challenge is met: if you find me another series of 800 page books in British English that children fight over reading then I certainly will replace Harry Potter with your books.

They try and give me The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe because that story is an allegory but considering the lack of depth in plot, character and mythology I can only call it an alle-snorey, it should be also be noted that witchcraft is present in this book as well. They try and give me the Lord of the Rings, which is oft over the student's heads, but is also an allegory despite having the same elements of magic that make Mr. Potter so offending. The Narnia Series and the Lord of the Rings are in my classroom as well, but Harry Potter is the big man on campus wherever he arrives.

The magic of Harry Potter isn’t the magic but it is how young people, and people who think they are young people, relate to the story of growing up. Readers enjoy the human characters they can relate to themselves and their friends, the plots that remind them of their own lives and realize better than we do that the magic is just the engine that drives the train.

What are my predictions about the book coming out twenty-five days from press of this posting? I compiled these with Emily’s help, editing and excellence in Potter Trivia (she got all N.E.W.T.s).

Harry vs. Voldemort
I am conflicted on this issue because while American authors feel compelled to end each story happily European ones do not necessarily feel this urge. However, these are books for children – children growing up during a time of increased awareness of terror in their lives – and I think Rowling will end this book with Harry winning. The prophecies seem to indicate the question’s answer being either/or and in this case I would put my money on Harry. However, we would have already given Rowling our money and I guess we cannot return a book or get a refund for disliking the ending, can we? I don’t think Rowling would do that.

Also, Emily and I have ascertained that the Death Eaters are really terribly incompetent. The best example we can think of is that in the first book – and following books – protections against Voldemort and his followers were frequently bypassed by the children and not by the adults they were intended to keep out.

Other Children Dying
I am going to bet against Hermione or Ron dying in the books for the same reason I do not think Rowling would kill Harry, but like any Star Trek Away Team I would expect anyone unattractive or ethnic to bite the dust. Neville? Cho Chang? Your numbers are up. Cedric Diggory dying was tragic in the story but he was not a huge character until that book. I expect that Neville’s development and usefulness in the last few books will bring him to prominence and then death. Emily notes that Neville being the other possible child from the prophecy also qualifies him for death, even if it were just a precaution. Cho Chang or Ginny Weasley – being close and beloved to Harry – makes them marks as much as their ethnicity and unattractiveness.

Dumbledore (and Snape)
Dumbledore isn’t dead, completely. Rowling said there would be no Gandalf moment where he’d be resurrected – and someone resurrecting from the dead would really set the Christians off. Emily and I believe his animagus is a phoenix and that is why a phoenix rose at his funeral – in some shape or form Dumbledore will still remain with Harry – not unlike Obi Wan remained with Luke in Star Wars.

Dumbledore pled for mercy from Snape when he was killed and while I do not like Snape I also hold out hope that people – real and fictional – are redeemable. Snape could have been in cahoots with the Headmaster, allowing him to remain ‘good’ and uphold his oath to Lady Malfoy to help Draco Malfoy kill the Headmaster.

I think that Dumbledore, like Obi Wan and Jesus, knew the power that Good has over death and that their deaths are not permanent. Obi Wan and Jesus prepared themselves to die at the hands of their prodigies knowing they could better serve their other followers that way. In Chamber of Secrets Dumbledore says that he will not leave Hogwarts as long as there are people still loyal to him there. Emily also reminds us that Dumbledore tells Voldemort that there are things worse than death in Order of the Phoenix.

Snape is duplicitous and this could be another clever turn on his part or genuine treachery. Emily believes Snape is evil and opportunistic and I would like to see him ‘good’ in the end. We have to remember that Lupin defends James Potter and Sirius Black’s bullying by telling Harry that Snape was no “innocent victim.” Many death eaters, most notoriously the Malfoys, recanted or helped the Order of the Phoenix – but were really still servants of the Dark Lord. I will grudgingly side with Emily because she is the Potter Scholar and better judge of character (real and imagined) but keep my fingers crossed behind my back that Rowling pulls out some genius move with Snape.

Hogwarts
Hogwarts will reopen, under the leadership of Minerva McGonagall. The office opens to her – and only respects the real Headmaster or Headmistress of Hogwarts – so there is little question to her leadership of the school. I would also submit that despite it all the school is still the safest place for the children. Emily thinks that once Voldemort is defeated the school will reopen, I would think sooner for literary continuity – but we are unsure if Harry will return.

Will Harry become an Auror?
He would have to return to school and get N.E.W.T.S on all core subjects to be admitted for formal Auror training. However, for ease of storytelling, I think the school will close and Harry will join the Order of the Phoenix and fight the Death Eaters. He may not become a formal Auror but I am certain that he will, at the least, perform the duties of one in his mission. McGonagall and the other members of the Order are well aware of the prophecy and also know what Harry must do; they’ll train and teach him, protect and guide him. Ultimately – as she promised – McGonagall will train Harry to fight the Death Eaters and Voldemort. Hermione and Ron won’t leave his side – and I am sure that will be a subplot to watch.

Who learns magic late in life?
This was a hard one for Emily and I to answer. We considered Dudley and Petunia – but they are obviously Muggles and I am not sure that Dudley is in ‘late life.’ I would hate to see Uncle Vernon receive redeeming qualities. Hagrid knows magic, does magic, but how much magic does he know? Could the ability to do magic and a need for formal training be two issues? Hagrid learned something but his training is incomplete – otherwise he would have been implicated in the Order of the Phoenix. Cornelius Fudge has yet to show redeeming qualities, so it could be him.

I would put money on Hagrid learning a few tricks. When they have wanted to Dumbledore and McGonagall have bent rules for the greater good – and to protect and promote Harry – and Hagrid would be a good candidate for greater literary glory. This could also be the end of him.

Harry and Ginny
Will Harry marry Ginny Weasley? This question has been obvious since the beginning. They had the beginnings of a romance and that will return after the Dark Lord dies but considering the timeline of events Harry Potter will eventually come to America to defeat Hillary Clinton, when this happens he will meet and fall in love with Emily and they will live happily ever after. Besides, it is weird to date your best friend’s sister.

So tell us, what do you think?

The Perils of Father's Day Shopping

This is the June edition of the “Dueling Posts” broadcast between Suburban Island and Caustically Optimistic. Both authors discuss the same topic from their divergent points of view to give you a fuller view of the question at hand. If you would like to be a part of July’s Dueling Post drop either author an email or comment and we will include you in the process. Enjoy…

Buying a father’s day gift is a difficult task; it is the most difficult gift I have to buy all year. Father’s Day gift giving difficult comes in several flavors. Those flavors being: vanilla, chocolate, pistachio and mocha caramel pumpkin cappuccino (with sprinkles).

Buying a gift isn’t easy. This is not just the man who fathered me thirty years ago. This is the person who taught me to swim (by throwing me into the pool to see what would happen), taught me to ride my bike, my skateboard, and eventually how to drive a car. I am a terrible driver so I am loath to assign him credit for that one but someone is to blame. He is a good man; he is not perfect. He helped me with homework. He helped pay for college and my first new car. He stood by me when I was right and when I was wrong and taught me the value of suffering the consequences of my actions – and considering his station in life during my teenage years consequences were rarely assigned to me but when they were or should have been he was there to make sure I learned something.

So buying a gift is not as easy as picking something out. We are who we are because of our fathers and in appreciation of that someone made up father’s day to make money off our reverence for the men who raised us.

So what to get him?

Dueling Post: Parent Night

Suburban Island and Spritopias of “ Caustically Optimistic” have been friends for years and admirers of each other’s writing for much longer. This week, as the spirit moves us, and their respective attention deficit disorders allow they will grace you with dueling posts – the same topic from different perspectives and styles of writing. You can read Suburban Island's post here

Parent/Teacher Night
A Dueling Post

We had parent night this week and it was, as always, a tremendous experience. For most teachers this is an intensely frustrating and emotional time but for me it usually a comedy of errors.

Preparing for parent night is something that takes the whole proceeding week for me to do. I am not a nester and my classroom is a resounding example of this. Sure, I hang things up and even have a bulletin board dedicated to student work that I am proud of but I do not think to update the room or change it up. In getting ready for parent night I usually to try to spruce up the place. Usually, my classroom becomes a ‘paper village,’ of organization and decoration. This is something I just do not like to do.

In addition to making the room look nice there is also the question of paperwork that needs to be caught up on or merely verified. There is nothing worse than a conference with a parent because their child failed and midway through you realize that you did not send home any notes, progress reports or made any phone calls. I find it an abrogation of teacher’s professional duties for a child to do poorly in class – or even fail – without some attempt being made to warn parents or recruit them in the effort to educate their child. In my brief tenure as a teacher I have learned that most parents want to be involved it just letting them know when and how.

The final preparation that needs to be made is silly in my opinion but I take it as seriously as the rest. I do not care what people think of me but paradoxically I want to make a good impression. I usually get my haircut a couple days before parent night, make sure my nails are cut and clean, stress over exactly which argyle sweater vest to wear and make every effort to avoid markers – which get and stay on my hands for days – for at least two days before the blessed event.

The actual event is very organized. It starts with a social hour featuring cookies, punch or fancier fare in the cafeteria presided over by the Principal or Dean of your school and if you have a music program with any merit they are gracing the parents with what they have been working on before hand. Then the parents go on a tour of your campus, their child’s schedule clutched in their hands as they attempt to find their way around in a much larger version of that traumatic first day of school. Eventually, they find their way to their child’s classroom and have a personal meeting with the teacher. Ostensibly, this is where partnerships are formed to help children succeed but like any well-intentioned plan it does not always work out the way one would hope.

This year I had all of my paperwork together like I should have and had my classroom ready. The only thing that is different this year is how far I live away from school so in my rush the morning of parent night I forgot to shave and since my shirt was not ironed properly I could not wear my sweater vest as planned so I could had to wear a sweater that I had already worn this week – having left most of my sweaters with my parents in the frozen tundra of Kentucky for when I visit. Also, in my rush out the door I did not remember to shave.

The meetings were not in our classrooms after all and so my efforts to clean and create in the room where for nothing. They were in the gymnasium and that works out okay because you are in the same place as all the teachers and it decreases the likelihood of someone going ballistic in a maternal blaze of glory, putting Kim Il Jong to shame. The only bad part is that I left half of my paperwork in my classroom and did not have my communication or attendance logs – thankfully I had printed individual progress reports for each student.

One of the important parts though of a parent/teacher night is that no one say or doing anything stupid. This year’s highlights include:

Me: to a student Stay out of trouble!
Him: Stay out of the fridge!

Mom: Andy’s just a kid you have trouble getting angry at!
Dad & I: in unison I don’t have that problem.

Dad: My son is sometimes hard to get under control.
Me: Yeah, I would compare it to wrestling a greased pig

Another important thing is parent presentation. You are coming to parent night to make a good impression on your son or daughter’s teacher and hoping to build partnership with the mandate of insuring your child’s success. It might help for you to come dressed in a presentable fashion – or at least with Victoria’s secret kept that way. Being sober is the best way to remember everything that goes on and is key to keeping a cool head Also, being sober and not fighting with your spouse or ex-spouse is incredibly helpful. I hate to bring those up, but I cannot hurt to know those things and obviously someone needed to be done told these things.